A Love We Deserve Read online

  Six months flew by, and I was content. Not really happy, but not entirely unhappy either. I felt a little like a prisoner scratching the days on the concrete wall of my cell until I could move to Atlanta. At least my job was great. The office was frenetic, which helped the days fly by. My classes were all in the morning, so I was at the office by lunchtime everyday. I relieved another assistant who worked mornings. She and I were floaters, doing any job needed by one of the partners. They didn’t want traditional secretaries; they wanted grad students because they could order us around under the guise of learning the business world, which essentially made us their slaves. They yelled; we jumped. I was learning a lot though, and not all of the partners were assholes.

  One of the senior partners was working on a large merger. He requested that he be able to use one of us full-time during the transition period. He was one of the assholes. I happened to be walking by his office one afternoon and he shouted, “Excuse me, you. Make a hundred copies of this and do it quickly. I also need a late lunch for ten in an hour.”

  He shoved a piece of paper into my chest. I stood dumbfounded for a minute. He looked at me like I was a small child.

  “I’m sorry, do you work here or not? Was that a difficult request for someone who wants to continue to work here? Because if you can’t handle it, I’ll get someone who can.”

  His tone snapped me out of my stupor.

  “Uh, yes. Yes, sir, I got it. Anywhere specific for lunch catering, or my choice?”

  I gave it back to him as sharply as he gave it to me. He seemed impressed. I saw a slight grin, very slight, and he waved me away. Turned out, after that meeting, he requested that I be assigned to be his assistant on the merger. I hoped to learn a lot. Experience like that goes far in the business community.

  He was Chris Kennedy. Senior partner, forty-two years old, and super hot. Salt-and-pepper hair and bright green eyes. As far as I could tell, under the suits he wore seemed to have a good body. He wore custom-made fitted shirts with French cuffs, and finely made trousers. His only accouterment was a platinum Rolex. He commanded the room when he was present, and didn’t take shit from anyone. We worked well together. He was all business, and I wasn’t interested in anything but getting the job done. No flirting, no nonsense. It was just what I needed.

  We finished that merger, and he requested that I stay on to help him with the research and development he was doing. The guy was a workaholic like I’d never seen before. He slept most nights in the office, and had a shower in his private bathroom. He had enough clothes in a storage closet to last him a month. There weren’t any personal photos in his office so I assumed he didn’t have any family. I felt for him a little. He was in his forties, and no wife or kids. He seemed a bit sad on the rare occasions he put his guard down.

  We became friendly enough for him to drop an occasional joke. I was a mere few months away from getting my MBA, and my big move back to Georgia. If I could continue to work for him exclusively, he would write a glowing recommendation and any job I wanted in Atlanta would be mine. I was the happiest I’d been in a long time. I was twenty-three years old, and I had my plans.

  I was helping him with an acquisition of a large freight company. The details were changing on a daily basis, and required exhausting amounts of revisions in the contracts. One Friday evening, we were informed at 5:30 p.m. that by Monday, about four hundred pages of the contract had to be re-written. He and I ordered in dinner, and hunkered down for a long winter’s night of work. I was stretched out on the large couch in his office, while he was sitting in a huge leather swivel chair in front of me. He rattled off the changes and I typed as quickly as I could to keep up.

  He abruptly stopped talking. I was waiting for him to continue, when I noticed he was staring at me.

  “What? Are you stuck? What’s wrong?”

  He continued to stare at my face in a way I had never seen from him before.

  “Are you happy, Melanie?”

  What? Since when does he give a shit about whether or not anyone is happy? I wasn’t sure what to say.

  “Yes, of course. I’ve learned so much under your tutelage, I hope I’ve been able to be a help and not a hindrance to you.”

  Assuming, of course, that he was talking about work.

  “Not here, not the job. Are you happy in your life? You never leave here, and I’ve never heard you speak of a boyfriend. Do you go out? You’re too young to be forgoing fun just for work.”

  Whoa. Never saw that one coming.

  “Well, I had a boyfriend, but that’s over. I’m dedicated to learning what I can right now. I’m not interested in dating or going out.”

  He turned his deep green eyes on me. He had thick dark lashes I’d never noticed before. His muscles were straining against his tight dress shirt. Jeez, how had I not noticed that either? He was smoking hot, and it was all coming full force in my direction. He stood and reached for my laptop. He closed it and placed it carefully on his desk. He slowly walked back over toward me, never taking his eyes from mine. I was frozen in place. Too many thoughts were swirling around in my head. What is he doing? Will I get fired if I reciprocate? Is this a colossally bad idea? He knelt down on the floor next to the couch, and was inches away from my face.

  “You’re stunning, Melanie. I noticed you a long time ago, but never thought I would act on it. I respect you as a smart, capable woman. If you don’t want anything to happen between us, it won’t and we’ll never speak of this again. I’m drawn to you, and I want to feel your lips on mine.”

  In a second we were on each other like a head-on collision. Our mouths crashed together with a passion I had no idea he felt. For that matter, I didn’t realize just how much I felt for him until that moment either. I was falling down a hole, and I didn’t want to land. Our hands were all over each other; I couldn’t seem to get enough. He paused only for a moment to lock the door. I quickly reassembled myself, fixed my mussed hair and tried my best to look alluring. He crossed back over to me in two long strides. He knelt back down beside me and took a deep breath.

  “Are you sure about this? I’ll understand if you don’t want to confuse things between us. I have to be honest, though. I’m very attracted to you, and I’ve been fantasizing about this moment for quite a while.”

  His eyes were dark and wide as he spoke to me. I felt my entire body betray me, as my skin flushed and a deep warm sensation spread over me. I’d never been that turned on before in my life. Jeff and I had had a vanilla sex life, not much passion. The feeling here took over my senses, and I wasn’t sure if I could speak. I slowly nodded my head up. Message received.

  He stood up and grabbed my ankles. He yanked my body down the couch so that I was lying completely flat. The couch was long and wide, wide enough for the both of us. He covered my body with his, and I felt his erection through the thin fabric of his trousers. He was trying to slow things down. I felt him take a deep breath, and his exhale was warm, slow, sweet torture on the nape of my neck. Every hair on my body stood on end. He took a long inhale with his nose in my hair, and he moaned.

  “Your scent drives me wild. Every time you’ve been near me, your delicious smell gets me hard. Do you know how difficult that’s been, working so closely with you? You’ve made my life a hell on earth. In the best way possible.”

  I felt his lips move against my neck as he spoke. He had soft stubble on his face that was tickling me, and driving me wild.

  “I had no idea you felt this way. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

  I tried to make eye contact as I spoke, but he nuzzled into my nape even deeper.

  “I’ve never crossed this line at work. My professional reputation is important to me, but tonight I thought if I didn’t do something, I was going to explode. Can I make love to you?”

  He pulled back and stared deep into my eyes. His swollen lips, the sweat on his brow and his rapid breathing told me how much he needed me… wanted me. I didn’t want to believe that he was just horny, and
that it had been a long time since he’d had sex. It felt like much more than that. He had lust in his eyes, but he also had tenderness in his movements. The way he touched me, the way he spoke. He made me feel like we could be more, and for the first time in a long time, I needed that feeling.

  I gave him the go-ahead with another slight nod of my head. My body was wet with perspiration, and I shivered as he removed my clothes. He took his time and appreciated every inch of my body. He began with my pants, and worked his way up until I was only in my bra and panties. He quickly shed his own clothes and grabbed the large throw that was artfully arranged on the end of the sofa. He lowered his warm body back atop mine and covered the two of us with the blanket.

  “Did you forget something?” I looked down at my bra.

  “No, not yet. I want to savor this moment. If I see you completely naked right now, I won’t be able to control myself and I want this to last. Let me feel your beautiful skin against mine. Let me warm you up first.”

  Warm me, he did. I had been shivering from being sweaty and bare, and he made me warm and pliable. I felt his hips begin to move very slowly against mine. His large erection was the center of attention for sure, but he took his own sweet time exploring my body. He felt my breasts through my bra, which, thank God, was one of my sheerest and prettiest. He pressed his lips on each one gently like he was kissing something fragile. His warm lips made their way down my stomach to my panties. He slowly kissed his way down to the wet, hot spot. The thin fabric of my underwear let the wetness of his lips penetrate right through. I was on fire and the teasing nature of his kisses was fanning the flames. He clamped down on the top of my panties with his teeth, and yanked them down aggressively. I could feel his heart beating faster in his chest against my skin, and I knew he was reaching his boiling point.

  “I need to fuck you, now. Can I fuck you?” He growled through tight lips as my panties were still between his teeth.

  “Yes, fuck me!”

  I was ready, more than ready. I knew as soon as he entered me, I would come. He rose up and threw off the blanket covering us. He ripped open my bra, and began licking and sucking my nipples like a starving man. He shoved his face into my crotch, and assaulted my over-sensitized skin with his tongue and mouth. He brought his glistening face back up to my mouth and kissed me sloppily. I had never had a man do that to me, and it was so sexy. He slipped under me somehow, and flipped me so I was straddling him. He grabbed my waist and lifted me up over his large cock. He shoved me down forcefully and let out a loud groan. If anyone were still in the building, they would have heard him for certain.

  I moaned at the same time he entered me, and with two hard thrusts I could feel myself heading to the edge. I’d never had an orgasm like that before. It began to rise from deep inside me, and it pulsated around him. I felt his cock swell even bigger, and he started to shake. Another loud groan and he stilled. He poured himself into me deeply. He was holding my body down hard against him so that he was completely inside me up to his balls. I felt him throb and release against my insides, over and over again. He pulled me to him and we kissed, a long, hard, open mouth kiss.

  We both lay spent, exhausted. Not just from the sex, but the release of pent-up emotions. Little did I know when I went to work that day, that my life would be turned upside-down. I pried open my make-up smeared eyes, and stared at him. His breath was soft, and he had a look of pure contentment. I didn’t think I’d ever seen him that relaxed before. Now that I was semi-conscious, my mind started to race. I was scared that had I really screwed up by doing this. He said he respected me, but how many twenty-three-year-olds hear that everyday from guys who want them in bed? He seemed sincere, but I wasn’t sure. I needed to let him determine the next move.

  He struggled in our tight space to roll over onto his side. His eyes popped open and we were nose to nose. He smiled like the Cheshire cat and wrapped his arms around me tightly. I was stunned. I really thought I would get the awkward excuse that he had to get up early, maybe I should go, then arrive at work the next day only to discover I’d been transferred to the mailroom. I couldn’t have been more thrilled. It never occurred to me how attracted I was to him. All the cynicism from my previous relationship had clouded my perception. I felt like the floodgates had opened, and I was awash with hope for the future. Maybe all men weren’t like Jeff. Maybe I could have love, or at least some really great sex. Either way, I was in.

  “That was incredible.”

  He looked into my eyes as he said those words, a smile still tattooed on his face. He leaned in to kiss me, and it was the most loving, gentle kiss I had ever experienced. My senses were finely tuned to him. We kissed for the longest time, slowly and with purpose. He eventually rolled back over on top of me, and I could feel his desire once again. As we continued to kiss, he slowly entered me. We moved in perfect rhythm. He opened his eyes and we locked in on each other as we made love. He never once looked away from my face or closed his eyes. He kept his pace slow and deliberate until I came, then he released himself for a second time into me. I had been thoroughly fucked twice by a man who just hours before I was a little scared of.

  I’d never had feelings that strong for anyone before. I felt as if I loved him. I knew better than to confuse sex and love, but my feelings for him were powerful. I wanted to stay in our private bubble for as long as possible. He winced as he broke our bond and stood. He reached for my hand without saying a word. I put my hand in his and he led us to the bathroom. He turned on the shower, and led me in. We hugged and kissed in between trying to get clean. He washed my hair, and lovingly washed every inch of my body. The morning light was a beautiful orange-pink coming through the window. I had to be dreaming.

  Stark realization broke my trance. Very soon, people, a lot of people, would be filing into the office. Even on a Saturday, this place was busy. That was all I needed: gossip about me hooking up with the boss.

  “Mr. Kennedy? I think we need to hurry. The office is opening soon.”

  He looked at me like I had just sprouted horns.

  “Mr. Kennedy? Really? That makes me feel pretty creepy. You know my first name Melanie, please use it.”

  He smiled at me, and grabbed my butt. He did get the message though, and we finished up our shower. Thankfully my clothes were still clean, but it would be obvious that I had been there all night. We got dressed, he wore fresh clothes from his stash, a bit more casual for a Saturday, and I made do with my day-old outfit and torn bra. He came to me and wrapped his arms around my waist and snuggled into my neck.

  “Let’s go out for breakfast before everyone gets here. You can go home to change, then come back later so we can get that damn contract finished.”

  Wow. He smelled good, and looked even better. I felt like a person who got glasses for the first time. Everything was crystal clear, and seemed new. He was new to me. Even though I’d known him for months, this was the first time I saw him as a man, a super hot man, and not just my boss. I noticed details in his face. His gorgeous, speckled green eyes, his small smile lines outside his eyes, and his knockout body. I had to have been in a serious fog to be blind to all of this right in front of me everyday.

  We hurried to escape the building before any one else arrived. We walked hand in hand over to the diner across the street. We ate and talked so comfortably with each other, it was as if we’d been together for years. I could tell he felt it, too. He frequently touched my hand or my face throughout the meal. He told me all his stories, and I gave him as many as I could. I didn’t really have much of a life before I came to Chicago so there wasn’t a lot to tell. He boldly kissed me in front of our building before we parted ways. I couldn’t believe he wasn’t the least bit worried about co-workers seeing us together. I couldn’t say the same. I didn’t want anyone treating me differently, which I knew would happen. I hugged him once more, and headed back to my apartment to change clothes and freshen up. My feet never touched the sidewalk.

  * * *

 
These memories are bittersweet. The first ones with Jeff left me bitter, and the second was sweet, for a blink in time. That was more than ten years ago. May as well be a lifetime.

  I’ve blamed myself for Chris’ cheating over the years. Well, not his cheating, but the karma that came back to me. I never would have allowed anything to happen between us had I known he was married. He gave nothing away. To this day, I still don’t know how his wife was as shocked as she claimed to be that he was cheating. In our marriage, Chris has done all but brought his flings home and ask me to do their laundry. When he explained to me later how he and his wife were unhappy because they couldn’t have kids, it seemed like a logical explanation. I believed him when he told me that he really did love me, and that he and his wife just didn’t belong together.

  Never did I allow myself to think that he was just a cheater. At first, I denied it. No wife wants to admit that her husband is stepping out, no matter how many glaring signs there are. The problem is that you begin to de-value yourself. I allowed his actions to alter my perception of who I was, instead of placing the blame where it belonged, on him, I kept telling myself that it was me. I’m the one who drove him into the arms of other women by something I did or didn’t do.

  His ex-wife, Suzanne, wanted nothing. No alimony, no lump sum, not even her car. She came from old Chicago slaughterhouse money, so for her it wasn’t worth spending more time with him in a lawyer’s office. That’s why I never fully bought the idea that our fling was the first time he had cheated on her. Those actions seemed like a woman who had just had enough, a last straw sort of deal. He won’t be getting out that cheaply with me. I know he has more money than I can count, and God knows his sons and I will get it. I’ll make sure of that.