Mine, Not Hers Read online

  "So? Are you going to tell me who Jason is?"

  Thanks, Colleen Bigmouth.

  "He's just a boy from school, Mom. He's nice."

  I’m dreaming of climbing into my bed so I can focus on remembering his words to me. My mother doesn't stop asking questions until we get home. The last thing I remember her saying was that she was going to talk to Colleen's mom and find out more about him.

  Fantastic.

  Chapter 2

  Jason

  I will never forget the first time I saw Katie. It was the summer before my junior year, and I was working at our family bakery. Usually I came in early to help unload trucks or clean in the back. I had football in the afternoons, so I was there before the store opened. Our coach had given us two days off from practice so he could attend a wedding downstate. I took advantage of getting to sleep in for once, so I told my mom I would be there around nine. When I arrived, she needed me up front to help at the register, and restock while she was getting paperwork done. Mrs. Bay was there as usual, and I was her backup.

  I heard her talking to a woman about bread as I walked into the counter area loaded down with two trays of cookies. I set them behind the counter, and I saw a girl standing next to the door. No one else was in the place, and I assumed she was with the woman at the counter.

  Her face was stunning. Not necessarily in a traditional sense, but it stunned me. It was plain, no makeup, but it glowed. Her eyes were the biggest I had ever seen. She had thick lashes that were trying their best to hide the girl beneath. She appeared shy, and looked miserable tagging along with her mom on errands. I stayed behind the large coffee machine, not wanting to be noticed, so I could keep looking. I felt like if she saw me, she’d run away like a deer spotting the hunter.

  I was completely mesmerized. I don’t think I took a breath for a solid two minutes. I’d never felt like that before. I’ve had plenty of girls fawn all over me since the fifth grade, maybe even earlier. I never cared for the attention, and actually found it annoying most of the time. I’ve been so focused on my studies and my sports, that the whole dating scene didn’t hold much appeal. That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy the company of a few girls in high school, but I made it clear I didn’t do the girlfriend thing. When I saw this girl, I couldn’t even seem to remember my own name. Her mother finished up her purchase, and without ever looking back up she left the store. I could feel Mrs. Bay staring at me.

  “Well, well, well! Look who’s blushing!” she giggled.

  I shook my head as if the action might reset my brain.

  “Who was that girl? Do you know them?”

  I may have sounded a bit too eager, and she began to laugh.

  “She is a pretty little thing, isn’t she? That was Mrs. Barnett and her daughter. I don’t know the girl’s name, but she’s been in before with her mom, she’s quiet.”

  That I knew!

  “Anything else? How old is she, where does she go to school, where does she live?”

  “Whoa, settle down, cowboy! That’s all I know. I think she may be in high school, even though she doesn’t look it. I believe I remember her mother mentioning one of the private schools nearby. She was buying cookies for the ladies in the office. Sorry, dear, that’s about all I can give you.”

  She smiled her sweet smile, and seemed a little sad for me. She knew I didn’t date a lot, and for me to ask about a girl was pretty big.

  It would be a full year before I would lay eyes on her again. Never did I think it would be in my high school cafeteria! I had spent the rest of the summer with my radar up. Everywhere I went, the mall, the beach, even the Cubs games, I was on the lookout for her. How could she live that near, but I never bumped into her? I kept telling myself that I must have built her up in my head for some reason, that there was no way a girl could have a grip on me like this. I actually started to believe it, too, until today.

  There she is.

  I’m mindlessly listening to my friends go on about some party this weekend, while my eyes scan the room out of boredom. I look out the cafeteria window, and there she is. Wandering and looking a bit lost. It’s her, no doubt about it. Any lies I had told myself about her not being that special fly straight out of my head. Seeing her again sends a spasm clear through me from my head to my toes. I can’t believe I feel this way about a complete stranger after seeing her once, a year ago! I lose sight of her, and stop these thoughts. I’m losing it. This girl is probably some psycho who transfers schools over and over after she murders the entire cheerleading squad!

  I turn my head, and I feel my face fall. She’s staring right at me. I stare back, temporarily immobilized. I feel my face flushing and she looks away. Whoa. What is going on with me? Have I stayed away from dating for so long now that my system is going haywire? That has to be it. I haven’t spoken a word to this girl, yet I feel like I know her. She looks a little more mature than the last time I saw her. She’s petite and cute. I begin to imagine what her voice sounds like. My buddy, Kevin, hits me hard on the arm.

  “Dude! What the hell? Snap out of it! You haven’t heard a word we’ve said, have you?” Kevin laughs, noticing I was focused on something else.

  “Sorry, man, I was just thinking about the test in calculus. I’m good,” I say, trying to recover from ignoring my friend.

  “Yeah, whatever man. She must have been hot!” he says with a huge slap on my back and a laugh. The bell rings, and we grab our stuff to leave. This has to be one of the weirdest days of my life.

  * * *

  This is not good. I have never bombed a test in my life. I’ve never had anything but straight A’s since kindergarten. I can’t get that girls face out of my head! Mr. Ford, my calculus teacher clears his throat trying to get me to focus. I guess it’s pretty obvious something, or someone, is on my mind. After I turn in the exam, he studies my face.

  “Jason, is everything all right with you? You seem a little out of it.”

  “Yes, sir, I’m OK, just a lot on my mind. The game tonight, you know.”

  What a lie. It will be nothing short of a miracle if I can even remember my plays.

  Last period, we suit out for practice. We just have a walk-through since we have a game tonight. At least I won’t see her now; I can try to focus on tonight. As I make my way through the tunnel, I notice that the P.E. classes join us. Great. It’s so annoying to listen to them during practice. The sun is bright, but I see a shape that’s all too familiar. It’s her again. I feel like I’m living in my own personal hell. Just when I think I can get back on track, she pops back up. She and another girl look like they're bored with class. Oh my God, she looks amazing. The sun is shining on her hair and face, and her legs look so sexy in those shorts. She looks up, and I run the other way. God help me. This is not the time to be obsessing over a girl.

  Surprisingly, I have a great game. In fact, it’s a record-breaker for passing yards. At practice I focused harder on the plays that I ever had in my life. I knew that if I didn’t, she would wiggle her way into my thoughts. I can’t think of her and the word “wiggle” at the same time.

  After the game, everyone’s going to a party at Jeff’s house. I’m not a drinker, so I usually stay for a little while, and then duck out once it gets crazy. I’m not a big one for drama, and a little booze mixed with teenage hormones mean plenty of drama.

  Kevin and I are comparing notes about the game, when I hear a scream. I turn toward the sound, and I find myself face to face with her. She and her friend are soaked with trashcan punch. She’s staring at me, and I feel as if I’ve been electrocuted. A jolt of energy makes my body shiver. I don’t know what to do with these emotions; they're frustrating, to say the least. I don’t even know what to say to her right now. I need to compose myself, so I turn and walk away. I may seem like the biggest jerk in the world right now, but if I get any closer to her I may grab her and kiss her. She doesn’t even know me or how I feel about her. I’m sure that grabbing her might seem just a bit weird.

&nbs
p; I practically knock people down trying to get outside to get some air. I don’t like feeling this out of control. What the hell? I go around the side of the house where I’ll be alone and can gather my thoughts. This is going to be a problem. Now she’s everywhere. School is hard enough, but now that she’s in my social group I’m going to have to do something, I just don’t know what. I can’t have this distraction right now, senior year is too important. It’s chilly tonight, I assume, based on how everyone is huddling around, but I sure don’t feel it. My body feels nice and warm, and I think I’m even sweating. Just thinking about her gets my system going. Seeing her and smelling her is a major double whammy. Her shirt was wet and see-through, just enough to get a glimpse of her bra. As much as I enjoyed the view, the thought of anyone else seeing her like that infuriates me. Why?

  I’m getting a little too warm, and I take off my jacket. As I start to move, I see someone come around the corner of the house. Shit! I can’t get five minutes alone. I hear heavy breathing, and I see a small shadow. Shit! Just the person I’m trying to avoid. She’s shivering. Her shirt is soaking wet, and she doesn’t have anything else on over it. An overwhelming sense of protectiveness floods over me. I walk over and touch her shoulder to get her attention. I feel a warmth pass through us both. She must feel it too, because she shudders. I offer her my jacket, but she refuses. Even in the dark, I can make out how beautiful her face is. I’m even closer to her now than I was inside. I can feel her breath as she’s talking to me. She looks nervous, but I feel calmer.

  Something has changed inside me, and instead of wanting to avoid her, I come to the conclusion that I can’t. I have to get to know her, and as soon as possible. She walks away from me at first, and then starts running. She’s either painfully shy, which I already know is probably the case, or I’ve hurt her feelings somehow, which would not be a surprise given how I’ve reacted to the poor girl.

  I head to my truck to see if I can find her and offer her a ride home. I didn’t see in which direction she headed, so I take my chances and drive up and down the neighborhood streets. No luck. I go back to the party to see if I can find out some more information about her. When I go back in, I notice that Kevin and the girl she came with are getting cozy. I recognize her as the sister of one of my brother’s friends. I think her name is Colleen. She heads toward the bathroom as I pull Kevin over to talk.

  “Hey, man! Where were you? We were looking for you and Colleen’s friend. Did you see her?”

  Kevin looks hopeful.

  “Katie? Short girl covered in punch? No, but I saw her outside. She left. Do you know anything about her?”

  I’m trying my best to be cool, but I don’t think it’s working.

  “Katie’s awesome!” I hear loudly behind me. I turn toward the shout and Colleen is staring me down.

  “Of course, she did find it a bit rude how you glared at her when she bumped you. She didn’t mean to, we were pushed.”

  She’s hyper, and loud. She’s pretty nice, though, perfect for Kevin. I decide now is not the time for questions and answers though. I slap Kevin on the shoulder.

  “Gotta run. See you later. Nice to see you, Colleen.”

  With that I leave and head home. My head is beginning to throb. I’m not made for this crap.

  I can’t sleep. I keep replaying our face-to-face in the yard in my head. I’m getting hard just thinking about her big eyes looking up at me, and her sweet, sweet scent. I usually masturbate in the shower, with many different girls playing the lead. I’ve had so many show me their tits; I have great mental images to use. This feels different. I don’t feel like masturbating to her image. It feels so good to be this thick for her that I don’t want it to stop. It enhances the strong feelings I have building for her, and makes me want to get to know her that much more. I’ve never been this hard before. I feel like I’m going to explode without even touching myself. The images of her in her shorts, her tight jeans and her wet, see-through shirt are enough to make me crazy. I roll over and try my best to sleep, but I know it’s not happening.

  I’m a grouch all weekend. I’ve had no sleep, and a huge boner for about thirty-six hours now. I’ve gone running, mowed the lawn, helped coach my brother’s football game, raked leaves, etc. Nothing seems to help. By Monday morning, I’m ready to throw in the towel. I’m exhausted, and I can’t even study. If I don’t talk to her today and get her out of my head once and for all, I’ll certainly flunk out of school and die from a multi-day erection.

  Kevin and I usually walk to school when the weather is nice. He lives farther away, so he drives to my house and we walk from here. He is going on about Colleen; I guess they really hit it off at the party. I hear her voice calling out to him, and we both turn around. Katie is walking with her. Oh God, not now. I didn’t expect to see her this morning. I was going to try to talk to her sometime today, but I can’t see her now. I mutter a quick “See ya” to Kevin and walk on ahead. I hope she doesn’t notice; she’ll probably just add that to the list of why I’m such a jerk.

  Monday drags by, as Mondays usually do. Lots of talk about the game Friday, and what a great party it was. It seems like it was all so long ago. The lunch bell rings, and I lag behind my group of friends. I know she and I have the same lunch period; maybe I can talk to her now. I tell my friends I’ll see them later, and I hover around the outside of the cafeteria waiting for her. No luck yet. She can’t have switched out already, has she? I start to walk back up the hill when I notice a small figure walking down the path behind the cafeteria. I’ve never been down there, but I see kids sometimes go down there to smoke. That hardly seems like her.

  I follow as quietly as I can, hoping to get my nerve up to see her before she notices me. I watch her sit down, and look around. She looks quite content to be alone. Now I feel guilty that I’m going to spoil her lunch.

  Her beautiful, thick hair is blowing in the breeze, and I can smell her. Apple blossoms this time. I close my eyes and drink it in. As I do, a bead of sweat rolls down the side of my face. Please, God, no hard-on now! I swallow hard, and walk down the path. I do so with purposefully heavy steps so as not to startle her. She looks up and we catch each other’s eye. I don’t know how long we hold our stares like that, could be five seconds or five days, I don’t want it to end. Her eyes are as big as lakes and I feel like I could dive right in. Oh, God, I’m in deep. I have to get this out while I can.

  “Is anyone joining you?” I ask quietly.

  The surroundings encourage peacefulness. She slowly shakes her head like she’s attached to strings and someone else is doing it for her. I introduce myself, and apologize for seeming rude at the party. I don’t know what type of reaction I was expecting, but hers is definitely not it. She thinks that I’m talking to her as some sort of prank. She seems put off, and doesn’t believe that I actually want to talk to her. Ouch! I never thought she wouldn’t believe me! I was hoping that my sincerity would be enough. That she would be able to see right through me, and know that I mean what I say.

  I take her reaction as a signal that I’m no longer welcome. I apologize for disturbing her, and I leave. I feel like I’ve been kicked in the stomach. Why would she think that she deserves to be pranked? She thinks that I would do something that horrible? It makes me feel badly for her, that she thinks that little of herself. I don’t feel like going into the noisy cafeteria, so I head out to my truck to sit until next period. If she only knew how much I was struggling to not reach out and pull her to me, run my hands through her hair, kiss those lips.

  This boner better go down before chemistry.

  All week I lie low. I stay in the library during lunch, I’m the first on the field during practice, so no run-ins with the P.E. class, and I drive myself to and from school everyday. It helps a little not seeing her, but she’s still on my mind every minute. We have a big game on Friday, so I’m going to bed early every night. I lost so much sleep last week that I need to catch up.

  After the game, I ditch the
party and go straight home. I’m wiped out. Kevin had mentioned something about a bonfire at the lake on Saturday, and it sounds great. I know she’ll be avoiding anywhere I might be hanging out, so I think it will be safe. She clearly doesn’t feel the same way about me as I do her. Although when our eyes met, she looked just as mesmerized as I felt.

  Saturday comes, and I just can’t get myself up for going out. I think my parents are getting worried about me.

  “I saw Kevin’s mom today. Bonfire tonight? Should be fun! Always lots of pretty girls there, right?”

  My mom is trying her best to get me to crack. Girls are always calling the house, but I never ask any of them out. She’s dying for me to bring a girl home.

  “Yeah, I guess. Not sure if I feel up to going.”

  “I’m concerned about you, Jason. You’ve seemed mopey over the last couple of weeks. What’s going on?”

  How do mothers know? My dad looks as clueless as I guess he would be.

  “I’m fine, Mom. Just senior year, you know. Lots on my mind.”

  I whisper that last part, hoping not to give anything else away to the private detective that lives under our roof.

  “Well, then, all the more reason to go hang out with your friends. Time will fly by this year, and before you know it you’ll all be headed in different directions.”

  Of course, she’s right as usual. I decide to go. I just pray that the squealing football groupies aren’t there tonight. I don’t have the energy to listen to them.

  I arrive at the lake, and the sun is setting. I see the fire in the distance, and I hear girls laughing. I’m really not in the mood to fend them off. I think about turning around and leaving when I realize that Kevin probably invited Colleen, which means she might drag Katie along. I know she hates me, but just a chance to see her tonight is enough. I know I’m torturing myself, but my feet keep walking ahead.

  I reach the fire pit, and I see Colleen and Kevin, but no Katie. Everyone is having a good time, and I fake it for my friends.